Could DC residents survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

Last night was the season finale of The Walking Dead on AMC. This is an exceptional show that I wish more people in my social circle watched, because sometimes I really need to talk to someone after an episode, but there is no one to be found. So, I must go to the discussion forums on imdb.

The problem with the imdb forums is that a lot of people have already read the comic book, which is much farther ahead than what we have seen on the television show. From what I understand the tv show has made some deviations and character changes, but for the most part it follows the comic. This is problematic because I avoid the comics to stay away from spoilers, but reading an imdb forum where contributors have read them, I’m very likely to accidentally come across a spoiler. So, I try to read conversations that focus on a certain episode or seem spoiler-averse. Today someone posed the question to fans, “With where you currently live, do you think you could survive [The Zombie Apocalypse]?”

This is an interesting question for this forum because the contributors to the message boards are from all around the world, so everyone would have a different perspective. It has crossed my mind to question what I would do in this situation, but only long enough to realize I would be zombie bait. I don’t think any asthmatics would fare well in this environment. I would probably be very ironically killed by running for my life and having an asthma attack and dying. But, removing my asthma and general lack of cajones from the equation, I never considered the geographic pros and cons of being in Washington, DC. So, without further ado, here they are.

Pro #1) Government buildings. The District is considered to be vulnerable for terrorist activity, so while I don’t know the statistics, I would venture to guess that the city holds more panic rooms and bomb shelters per capita than anywhere else in the United States. The President lives here, members of congress, Supreme Court justices… Chris Matthews, Tony Kornheiser… What I’m saying is there are a lot of high profile people who live here, and there are buildings created with hypothetical pandemic and/or apocalyptic survival situations in mind.

Con #1) I am not the President, a member of congress, a Supreme Court justice, Tony Kornheiser or Chris Matthews. The likelihood that I would have access to one of these shelters could be slim.

Con #2) No guns. The strict gun control laws in the district would leave us extremely ill-equipped for defending ourselves from a zombie attack. We would need access to a lot of weapons, which brings me to…

Pro #2) Proximity to Virginia. Virginia has the right to keep and bear arms written into their state constitution. If I can make my way to Virginia, that is where my looting will begin.

Con #3) My apartment building. I live in a 12-story apartment building and it is very well populated. If the majority of the world population becomes zombies, the majority of my building would be full of people shuffling around and trying to eat my brain. There are a few residents I already suspect of being zombies, but they have never done anything to me, so live-and-let-live. Or, live-and-let-living-dead, as the case may be.

Pro #3) My apartment building. On second thought, there are a lot of 20-and-30-something professionals in my building, so we may just fare better than say, a frat house. Or a hospital. Or a retirement community. Although thanks to rent-control laws, there are quite a few retired people who opt to spend their twilight years in the same apartment where they have lived for decades. I am not judging. I am well on my way to becoming one of those people. But they would very likely contract that zombie virus long before I run out of inhalers & join their ranks.

Conclusion: The likelihood of the average citizen surviving in Washington, DC [edit: as compared to other geographical areas] = 50/50.

It may seem like I am over thinking this question, but I think it’s been a healthy exercise. It's always good to be prepared for any situation. Even the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention think so. My thoughtful consideration has taught me that it’s probably in my best interest to become friendly with a few more Virginians. And important government officials. I currently have a disproportional number of friends who are attorneys, which might serve me well if the zombies were just stealing my property or sexually harassing me, but fairly worthless for battling the average brain-eating variety of zombies. I don’t know that their extensive knowledge of the United States Code or their exceptional wardrobes will be much good in that situation. Unless they are from Virginia, of course. If they are from Virginia, they may have just moved to the top of my dance card.

Lines on Ale

Now that I have cancelled HBO and ditched the expensive sports channels, I'm back to watching cable news networks when there's nothing on basic cable. I'm also back to remembering why it was worth the extra $30 per month to have the extra channels. The other night I watched Keith Obermann until I couldn't tolerate any more. Then I switched over to the O'Reilly Factor until I couldn't tolerate anymore. That continued on - back and forth until I lost the will to live. About ten times back and forth by 15 minutes into the hour.

Tonight I caught an episode of Glenn Beck's program where he does not compare the Obama administration to Nazi Germany. If you have not heard about this particular episode, Beck begins by talking about eugenics, Nazi Germany's racial politics, and healthcare reform in the United States. Beck repeats several times that he does not believe that Barack Obama is advocating eugenics, nor does he believe that Obama wants to "Pull the plug on Grandma" as he has been accused of with the so-called "Death Panels." Beck removes himself from these preposterous claims and says that is NOT what he is trying to say. Then he points out the reasons why the same philosophy in Nazi Germany may be an unintended consequence of the proposed healthcare reform. He makes no accusations that Obama's intention has any comparison eugenics of Nazi Germany, but all intentions aside - in a crisis situation, he points out why it may be a likely result if the current healthcare reforms are passed. He also goes on to suggest that the people Obama surrounds himself with may be capable of such unthinkable acts. All the time repeating that he is making no accusations on Obama's intentions whatsoever.

As Glenn Beck introduces his guests, I can't help but greet them with, "Nice to meet you. Your career is over." "Nice to meet you, your career is also over..." I'm watching and I'm shocked because I know - you can not mention Nazi Germany when speaking of the President of the United States. There are few things at all that you can make a logical and reasonable comparison to Hitler without sounding like a crackpot and losing credibility. This is especially so if you are reporting on Fox News. Likewise, if you are reporting on MSNBC making the same comparison with George W. Bush. Credibility is slim in this argument. I'm sure that the producers of this program knew how provocative this program would be, and they went ahead with it. I have to give them credit, they undoubtedly knew what kind of reaction it would get.

While I am shocked by the audacity of Beck's claims, I can't say as I necessarily disagree with part of his argument. If I try my best to be objective, I must admit I will never refute the possibility of the way this country may react to a crisis situation. If his argument is (as it appears to be) that in an economic crisis, we may begin pulling the plug on grandma as a desperate attempt to save younger patients, I can't really refute that. I really wouldn't refute any claim against our government or the American public if it began with "In a crisis situation..." Frankly, our country has a history during crisis situations to do some incredibly fucked up things.

Think of it this way - had there been a 24-hour news cycle and a 1942 version of Glenn Beck on a radio program claiming, "Japanese Americans beware!! President Roosevelt wants to drag American citizens from their homes and put them into camps!" He would not have been taken any more seriously than the current claims of Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity against Obama on their Fox News programs. Even in this lifetime, had a partisan political medium made the claim in 2000 that terrorists would fly airplanes into buildings on live television while the entire country watched, we would have found the whole scenario preposterous. That's a movie, that's a fantasy. That is not reality. Terrorists decimating the World Trade Center? Flying into the Pentagon? Taking over aircrafts armed only with box cutters? That just screams conspiracy theory. Yet, we all watched it happen didn't we? What if someone had told us that following said terrorist attack, the entire country would spend billions of dollars in resources and countless human lives taking over government and rebuilding a country unrelated to this this terrorist attack? C'mon! What are we? Idiots?!?

Well... yeah, we are.

I love this country and I think we are afforded a lot of freedoms we take for granted. (One of which is the free press that brings us these 24-hour news networks.) And for some reason, we think we are a lot smarter than we really are. This country has a long history of panicking in a crisis situation. Don't ever underestimate what this country is capable of when faced with a real fear (Like 9/11, like Pearl Harbor...) Death Panels, euthanizing elderly people... in a crisis situation? You bet. The politics of fear could easily sell this to America. Hell, people could even be scared into forming militias to be sent into senior citizen centers. History has informed me and I would not rule it out. When Americans fear our freedom and our lifestyle - we will support things that are clearly preposterous with the benefit of foresight or hindsight.

Here's the problem with Glenn Beck. The politics of fear may work in a certain demographic - in this case the elderly (which also happen to be largely Republican) may take Beck's suggestions gravely serious. But when the overall population has the benefit of foresight and logical thinking, they will clearly identify this as fearmongering. For the same reason they would not have believed Japanese internment camps would be a possibility, for the same reason none of us would would ever have been prepared for a group of well-organized terrorists to take over aircrafts with box-cutters and change our lives forever. For the same reason that forming a detention center in Cuba for terrorists, exempt from U.S. protocol would seem far-fetched. Had Keith Obermann gone on his show with a panel warning us of that outcome, it would seem just as preposterous as the Republicans do with their claims of Death Panels, eugenics, and granny mercy killings.

Glenn Beck may have crossed a line by drawing parallels between Nazis and Obama's healthcare reform and he probably won't be surprised to feel backlash and loss of sponsorship. Fearmongering is effective only when there is a clear and present danger. In this country, people are more afraid of the state of healthcare as it exists now. People who are struggling or unable to pay for insurance and medical bills could be in a crisis situation right now, and that is the fear they are responding to, not the fear of death panels or eugenics.

John Edwards must go away

I'm watching Edwards' big confession tonight on Nightline and once again I find myself shouting at the television. I don't think I've done that since... well, when did Edwards drop out of the presidential election?

Living in Iowa in 2007, I had a heaping helping of the former senator from North Carolina. He made me crazy as a V.P. candidate in 2004, he made me crazy as a 2008 presidential candidate, and now he makes me crazy as a confessed adulterer. He couldn't even admit to his extramarital affair without squinting into the cameraand expaining that he's the humble son of a millworker. WE KNOW!!

He. Makes. Me. Crazy.

So, if you're not following this story, I envy you but I will fill you in. The National Enquirer has been reporting since late last year that Edwards had an affair with a woman named Rielle Hunter. He's been dismissing it as tabloid trash all along, but he finally came clean in an interview with Bob Woodward tonight on Nightline. Interesting timing. Why would he decide to confess on this night of all nights? Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the entire world is focused on Beijing right now? He's a smarmy dude, but I give him extra smarminess points for coming clean the night of the opening ceremony for the 2008 Olympic Games. In a slow news period, this thing would be the lead story everywhere, but for the next few weeks it will briefly follow news of gold medals and China.

Of course this is how it should be; Edwards isn't a politician anymore, he's just a loser from NC who tells lies and runs for office every four years. (I'm not judging him, by the way. He did not win those elections, he is by definition a loser; and he admits to being a liar.) So, I'm happy that I won't have to hear every excruciating detail of his affair for the next few weeks. I think his wife Elizabeth is a phenomenal woman. I've always liked her, even before it was announced that she was dying of Cancer. I don't "sympathy-like" her, I "like her-like her." I've just never been able to understand why she's with him. Even more so now.

Edwards was so ridiculous in the interview tonight. In true Edwards fashion, he explained his humble upbringing and apologized for making a mistake. He's confessed to Elizabeth, he's confessed to God, and he takes full responsibility. Finally. On the same night as the Olympics. What a good man. Right? (wrong!)

It's none of my concern if John Edwards is an even bigger jerk than I thought. If he wants to cheat on his wife as she dies from Cancer, that's between him, her, and God. It's no shock that another politician has been caught in a lie; but if the man is going to come clean on national television, it would be nice if he could do so without surrounding his confession in more lies.

As he explains it, he had an affair with this woman in 2006, his family knows about it, and her infant son is not his and he'd be thrilled to take a paternity test to prove it. (that's 1, if not 2 lies right there.) But, he explains that he had the affair in 2006, confessed to Elizabeth, she forgave him, and that's it.

Perhaps that's the truth, but it's a little confusing as to why his former lover was working on his campaign in 2007. I mean, she's that talented at producing YouTube videos that Elizabeth had no problem with him hiring jezebel for $100,000? That's... weird. That's also... bullshit. Almost as much bullshit as, "I don't know if that Enquirer picture is me or not... it looks like me, but it could be someone else holding some other baby."

One more point I find interesting, though it's not an original thought. One of the popular liberal bloggers was speculating on what would have happened if Edwards had received the nomination. She has a good point. If he had received the nomination and this came out, it would've derailed his campaign and give McCain a huge advantage. (side note, in the interview, Edwards managed to casually mention that McCain also admitted to an affair. Cheap shot. It was after he returned from Vietnam. I think most of us are less likely to begrudge a returning P.O.W. a few indiscretions.) If I was a Democrat, I'd be really pissed.

I've wasted enough time on Edwards. His faux sincerity never fails to annoy the living hell out of me, and once again he's driven me to yell at my TV and rant about him in print. I'm sorry that I've let him ruffle my feathers, and I'm sorry that his amazing wife married such a collossal dickhead. Really... I apologize. It's my fault that you had to read this, I take responsibility for posting it to my blog. (I'm looking at my computer screen with a squint that's supposed to convey sincerity. And my hair is flawless.)

Truly, America - I am sorry.

(p.s. I also did not inhale; and I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.)

I'm fine, how are you?

I told everyone I'd keep this blog to let you all know how I'm doing but somewhere along the line it took a turn and became a collection of silly adventures and shoe mishaps. I suppose I can't help it that sometimes my shoes are the most interesting thing about me, but I guess I should hold up my end of the "keeping in touch" deal. Plus, I keep getting the same questions. So, without further ado, here's the real answers to the questions I answer with, "Fine" or "good" or whatever.

#1) How am I doing? I don't usually answer this one honestly b/c I don't want anyone to worry about me and if I said what I was thinking: "Well - I work seven days a week, I chipped a tooth and the dentist told me it would be $650, Everything is ridiculously expensive so I could really use a day off work but I can't afford it, I'm getting fat, and the other day my toilet overflowed at 11:00 at night and they didn't come fix it until 9:30 the next morning.

Now, don't get me wrong. It may sound like I'm miserable out here, but that's not true at all. Although, it would be true to say that life is fully of annoying krap no matter where you are. Even when things are going great, you can always find something to make you feel depressed.

#2) How is work? Great Actually! Things are going better than expected at work. My job is pretty much the same kind of work I was doing before as an administrative assistant, it's just really far away in a really expensive city at a fairly well-known non-profit organization. In the beginning, I was so envious of the people upstairs (our offices are on two separate floors.) I really wanted to be doing research and it was frustrating at first to be fixing the copy machine and typing memos instead. After a few weeks, I have a new perspective.

Part of my new perspective is because I was asked to help with the newsletter. It's not part of my job or anything, but someone in the fundraising department asked me to help proofread the monthly newsletter. I sat in on the meeting and offered to help with a few different things. It was nice to have a creative project and it's made life more pleasant. I have to admit that even though my current position wouldn't have been my first choice, it is a great experience as far as entry-level work goes. After I came to terms w/my envy for the researchers upstairs, I noticed that they don't seem to leave their offices very much. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and I still hope to do that job someday; but in this administrative position, I interact with everyone. When I move up - whether it's within the same organization or a different job entirely - I will take with me experience working with all of the departments as well as some outside connections. It's definitely to my benefit to be on a first name basis with the directors. Plus, I pitched a new idea today that the president and chief of staff were both very supportive of. I'm really excited about it. It's 100% my project, so it will involve a lot of work on my end, but everyone else will be able to reap the benefits once it gets going. I don't want to make too much of it because I don't know how it will work out in the end, but if I can get the word out and build some interest it could be noteworthy. If it doesn't work out, no harm done - but if it does it could be a nice feather in my cap. More on that later.

#3) Have I made any friends yet? I hate this question!! People ask me all the time and much like question #1, I don't know how to answer it honestly. I have the best friends in the world and they're located in the Midwest. I have such a strong connection with my friends back home, I couldn't imagine finding that here in DC in a million years. It works out well for me because I am constantly in contact with people who are not my "friends" - neighbors, co-workers, co-workers [other job], people on the Metro... there are people everywhere out here. Hell, there's about twenty five people standing on the sidewalk on the next block in front of the movie theater! [Yes, they were lined up for Batman when I got home at 7:30] So, if the question is - am I lonely? The answer is no. Have I made friends? Yes - back in Iowa. It took me ten years to do it and they are only a phone call away.

#4) How is DC? Fun, fascinating, and expensive!

#5) Isn't it scary to live so far away from home? No. That's not scary. Living in the same place your entire life is scary.

#6) Is it dangerous out there? When it comes to crime in DC, there is definitely a pattern. I was just reading a blog by a friend from U of I who is working for a program teaching special ed in a neighborhood called Anacostia. I've never been to Anacostia, but I know that it's not a place that a whimsical Iowa gal like me should just wander into (nor anyone else who uses the word "whimsical" for that matter.) [Although there was an uncharacteristic shooting a few miles from my apartment on Sunday. It happened at noon, someone was shot in the leg and the witnesses chased the dude down until the cops got him. That's a hell of a neighborhood watch program.] It's interesting to me to think about how different our experiences are. We both wrote a column for the DI, both graduated from the U of I this year w/a Communication Studies degree, we both moved to Washington, DC immediately after graduation, but when he goes to work every day it's in a neighborhood that, according to wikipedia, "is primarily known for its excessive crime rates." We should get together in a year and exchange stories. That would make a good movie plot.

Well, I think that covers it. Let me know if I missed anything, and congratulations if you actually read this entire entry. I'm never at a loss for words. But, now that we got this out of the way, the next time you call me we can talk about you!!