Monday, December 22, 2008

TV ads are bad for your health

I didn't believe it was possible, but this television commercial actually causes me physical pain. There's nothing wrong with the ad itself; it's quite good actually. I just haven't had this feeling since I was seven years old. I watch the NHL Network, they show the commercial and I want to go so bad, it hurts. I'm instantly transformed into a kid again. All I can think is "I WANT THAT!!!" I want it SO BAD I'M GOING TO DIE IF I DON'T GET THAT FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

What is this all about? Well, there is a hockey game on New Years Day in Wrigley Field. Yes, baseball season is over so the Chicago Blackhawks and the Detroit Red Wings are taking over Wrigley while the Cubs are away. It's going to be awesome and the Blackhawks actually have an impressive team this year. At the time of this post, they are only 5 points behind the Stanley Cup champion Red Wings with one game in hand. I realize that probably doesn't mean much to you non-hockey fans, so I will put it to you like this: in recent years, the Cubs have made the playoffs more often than the Blackhawks.

Speaking of non-hockey fans, I would like to know how many such people have tickets to this game. I have a hell of a time meeting anyone who gives a crap about hockey, but somehow there is a sold-out crowd willing to watch an outdoor hockey game on January 1st in the Windy City. Tickets on the secondary market are selling upwards of $250, and that includes seats on the rooftops. Who are these people paying money to freeze their arse off watching hockey? If they are that rich, could they buy me a ticket? I don't even need a seat. I could just lay down on the feet of the rich people and keep them warm. As long as I could see the game, I'm willing to make myself into a human foot-warmer for the rich folks. (Maybe I should put that on eBay or Craig's list... "human foot-warmer available for Winter Classic in Chicago.")

Okay, chances are I will not be able to sell myself as a human foot warmer, I will not get to see the Blackhawks play at Wrigley, and I will not die - just like I didn't die when Santa didn't bring me a pony or a little sister. But I will continue to weep every time I see that awesome commercial, and I will curse everyone who goes to this game and leaves early because it's "too cold." My friends and I would love to go to this game. We are true hockey fans - we would be in heaven to sit outside and get frostbite watching an outdoor hockey game. Unfortunately, we have that other trademark characteristic of most hockey fans - we can't afford $250 for a ticket.

So, have fun rich people! Buy yourselves a copy of Hockey for Dummies, memorize it, then you can set it on fire to keep warm in between periods. Because hockey is a cold weather sport, it moves fast and it's the greatest game on earth.

Go Hawks!!